Withdrawing sex is often related to not wanting to feel controlled or dictated to. This is about adopting the attitude that the best way to not get hurt again in a relationship is to not give anyone the chance to get close enough. Disconnection occurs when curiosity, caring, compassion, and open communication are replaced with criticism, control, blame, bullying, defensiveness, defiance, withdrawal, withholding, anger, or avoidance. If you set forth a consequence, follow through. Don't allow yourself to be treated unfairly, either. Paradoxically, the person who is sexually rejecting or closed is usually perceived by their mate as being very powerful and controlling. Establish a safe way of talking about sex. This romantic love stage fosters the belief that it will always be this way. When she talks about how she feels or what's bothering her about any subject, listen carefully and make sure you understand where she's coming from, even if you don't agree.
Finally, the two of you need to directly confront the causes for the self-protection, and how your relationship can feel safer and more secure. Be sure to work with a therapist who has been trained in relationship counseling as well as sexuality. One solution to this dilemma is to ask your mate what he or she needs in order to freely and unreservedly give you what you sexually want. I've relied on masturbation, and didn't mind it at all. If sex has become a deal-breaker, or if the two of you are growing further apart, consult a specialist ASAP. This romantic love stage fosters the belief that it will always be this way. If you set forth a consequence, follow through. Easily, the most common reason partners withhold sex is lack of information related to healthy, fun, sexual practices. Neil Rosenthal Posted In: Unfortunately, not all individuals or couples are equipped to manage these sexual changes. Every form of abuse stems from a need to exert control. Sexual withholding can be a little problem or a big problem, and transformation must be congruent with the level of severity. Work with her to find win-win solutions. X She refuses to offer alternate means of pleasure when she can't have sex. Don't try to read her mind. This video illustrates how sexual aversion can restore a feeling of being in control even when a person's experience of having too little control took place many years earlier: If you are just out of practice and need to get back on track, reignite your sex life with these words of wisdom: Transformation requires a new perspective beginning with commitment to creating a passionate relationship together. When reality falls short of expectations, disappointment sets in. Establish a safe way of talking about sex. You have the power to stop our sex life and you have used that power at the risk of our happiness. When a person withholds sex to an abusive degree, their partner may have ignored or denied their viewpoints and requests. There is no substitute for professional support when it comes to sexual issues that threaten your relationship. You can say "When you're ready to talk about why you're no longer attracted to me, I'll be ready to listen, because I don't have the answers that can help us resolve this. Withholding sex may mean that one person feels the need to distance things a bit in order to keep him or herself feeling safe and protected.
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